The Upside of Being Single

Do You Dislike Valentine's Day?

 VALENTINE SELF-TALK

Positive self-talk is a technique where you take the emotionally-charged, negative, destructive thoughts that come up in your mind and replace them with more logical, positive, constructive thoughts.

In this issue, let's apply this technique to overcome common unpleasant feelings about Valentine's Day.

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Valentine Victim Thoughts:
Woe is me! I don't have a Valentine this year. I'm surrounded by ads for jewelry, flowers, and restaurants. And no one will be giving me a gift or taking me out on Feb 14.

Self-Nurturing Thoughts:
Between now and Valentine's Day, try temporarily changing your routine to avoid the media Valentine blitz:
- Recycle the newspaper without reading it. If any earth-shattering news happens over the next several days, you'll hear people talking about it. Then you can read about it on the Internet.
- Listen to CDs instead of the radio. Humorous books on tape and old-time radio shows can really lift your spirits.
- Change your TV viewing to avoid commercial-laden channels. Or find some funny books to read instead.

You can always go back to your old routine on Feb 15 ... although you may discover you don't want to.
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Valentine Victim Thoughts:
I'm sad that all those couples are out having romantic dinners, and I'm not.

Self-Nurturing Thoughts:
To change your perspective, remind yourself that there are a lot of couples who only celebrate Valentine's Day because they feel obligated, not because of any genuine, spontaneous desire to do so.

Make the most of your relationships with your family, friends, and potential friends every day of the year. Don't depend on holidays to show you care.
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Valentine Victim Thoughts:
It's not fair. Around Valentine's Day, it seems as if everyone but me is part of a couple. I feel left out.

Self-Nurturing Thoughts:
Shift your focus to things that are self-nurturing. By concentrating on things such as the following, you won't feel deprived:
- Exercise in some way that is enjoyable to you. Switch your perception to view living healthier as a hobby rather than drudgery.
- Dance. Take lessons if you don't know how. Many classes welcome singles. With the new dance shows on TV, there’s a wonderful resurgence in the popularity of ballroom and Latin dance.
- Get a massage. You can get one inexpensively if there's a massage school in your area.
- Try a drop-in yoga class. Tell your teacher if you're a beginner. Poses and stretches can be modified to accommodate you.
- Plan a vacation. Researching possible accommodations or tours in beautiful, interesting locations can lift your spirits. Even if the trip isn't going to happen for months, years, or even ever!
- Contact friends. Although it seems like a paradox, caring about others is very self-nurturing.
- Document positive comments you've received from colleagues, managers, and customers at work. You'll then be ready to submit them to your supervisor at performance review time. And at this point (when you may be feeling down) it will boost your self-confidence.

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I hope these ideas help. Consider them my Valentine card to you.
But instead of this card saying “Be my Valentine,” it is saying “Become your own Valentine!”