Sunday, December 10, 2006
eZine Issue - Dec 2006
The Upside of Being Single: Annual Holiday Issue 2006 (Issue #23)
You CAN have a wonderful time over the Holidays, even without a significant other. My hope is that the ideas in this issue help you enjoy yourself more.
~~~Quotes on Friendship~~~
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you." - Dale Carnegie
The only way to have a friend is to be one. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
~~~Change Your Thinking about Gifting~~~
In an effort to simplify the Holidays, while still enhancing friendships, here are some ideas for different ways to take care of yourself at the Holidays.
1. Make a no-gift exchange pact. (I’ve done this for years with some of my friends and family.) You and your friends know you care for each other without having to exchange gifts. Let's face it, sometimes what people give each other just adds to clutter. Don't think of this as a Bah Humbug attitude. You may be surprised at how many people are grateful for a way they can simplify their own holidays by having one less gift to buy.
2. Some of my friends, of course, don't like the no-gift pact idea. They enjoy the whole ritual of gift shopping, wrapping, and presenting. So we continue to exchange gifts. But I enjoy it more with the knowledge that they are truly getting pleasure from it, and aren’t just doing it because they feel it's their duty.
3. Consider a gift of your time, rather than a material item. Set dates with friends to do something you'll both enjoy. Eat out, shop, go to museums, drive in the country, or whatever. If you schedule it for January or February, you'll have something to look forward to during the post-Holidays letdown. This also takes the pressure off your busier-than-usual calendar in December. Now you'll have the pleasurable anticipation of a fun adventure. And the time you spend together will probably deepen your friendship.
~~~Travel Therapy~~~
If your friends are away or busy with their families, take a little trip yourself. Afraid you’ll be lonely? I truly find that I meet more people when I travel alone.
Treat this as a little reconnoitering trip. Take a camera and a travel journal with you so you can record your adventures. Then whet the interest of your friends when you get together after the Holidays. Then you can start planning your return trip at a time when others can join you. Have you ever discovered a place, and your first thought is of a friend who would like it? Well, consider that you’re doing your friends a favor by scoping out possibilities for future trips together.
If you just can’t get away right now, do the research on the Web, in the library, or with a travel agent. Then you can present your friends with ideas on where to go in the future. If you’re like me, your spirits will rise just with the anticipation of a trip.
~~~A Cultural Events Cornucopia~~~
A recently divorced friend treated herself to to a play, a concert, and the movies with different friends over a three-day period. This was highly unusual, given her usual frugality. But it was well worth it because of how good it made her feel - especially at a time that she might have otherwise felt alone and sad.
~~~A Game: Giving Gratitude~~~
Did Thanksgiving start you thinking of things you’re grateful for? I hope so. Here’s a tip for reinforcing your gratitude in a fun, festive way. Visualize, draw, or cut out pictures of gift-wrapped packages. On the packages, list things you love: names of friends and family you love, activities you enjoy, your good health, and surroundings that give you pleasure.
You CAN have a wonderful time over the Holidays, even without a significant other. My hope is that the ideas in this issue help you enjoy yourself more.
~~~Quotes on Friendship~~~
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you." - Dale Carnegie
The only way to have a friend is to be one. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
~~~Change Your Thinking about Gifting~~~
In an effort to simplify the Holidays, while still enhancing friendships, here are some ideas for different ways to take care of yourself at the Holidays.
1. Make a no-gift exchange pact. (I’ve done this for years with some of my friends and family.) You and your friends know you care for each other without having to exchange gifts. Let's face it, sometimes what people give each other just adds to clutter. Don't think of this as a Bah Humbug attitude. You may be surprised at how many people are grateful for a way they can simplify their own holidays by having one less gift to buy.
2. Some of my friends, of course, don't like the no-gift pact idea. They enjoy the whole ritual of gift shopping, wrapping, and presenting. So we continue to exchange gifts. But I enjoy it more with the knowledge that they are truly getting pleasure from it, and aren’t just doing it because they feel it's their duty.
3. Consider a gift of your time, rather than a material item. Set dates with friends to do something you'll both enjoy. Eat out, shop, go to museums, drive in the country, or whatever. If you schedule it for January or February, you'll have something to look forward to during the post-Holidays letdown. This also takes the pressure off your busier-than-usual calendar in December. Now you'll have the pleasurable anticipation of a fun adventure. And the time you spend together will probably deepen your friendship.
~~~Travel Therapy~~~
If your friends are away or busy with their families, take a little trip yourself. Afraid you’ll be lonely? I truly find that I meet more people when I travel alone.
Treat this as a little reconnoitering trip. Take a camera and a travel journal with you so you can record your adventures. Then whet the interest of your friends when you get together after the Holidays. Then you can start planning your return trip at a time when others can join you. Have you ever discovered a place, and your first thought is of a friend who would like it? Well, consider that you’re doing your friends a favor by scoping out possibilities for future trips together.
If you just can’t get away right now, do the research on the Web, in the library, or with a travel agent. Then you can present your friends with ideas on where to go in the future. If you’re like me, your spirits will rise just with the anticipation of a trip.
~~~A Cultural Events Cornucopia~~~
A recently divorced friend treated herself to to a play, a concert, and the movies with different friends over a three-day period. This was highly unusual, given her usual frugality. But it was well worth it because of how good it made her feel - especially at a time that she might have otherwise felt alone and sad.
~~~A Game: Giving Gratitude~~~
Did Thanksgiving start you thinking of things you’re grateful for? I hope so. Here’s a tip for reinforcing your gratitude in a fun, festive way. Visualize, draw, or cut out pictures of gift-wrapped packages. On the packages, list things you love: names of friends and family you love, activities you enjoy, your good health, and surroundings that give you pleasure.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Valentine Issue
Do You Dislike Valentine's Day?
VALENTINE SELF-TALKPositive self-talk is a technique where you take the emotionally-charged, negative, destructive thoughts that come up in your mind and replace them with more logical, positive, constructive thoughts.
In this issue, let's apply this technique to overcome common unpleasant feelings about Valentine's Day.
~~~~~~~
Valentine Victim Thoughts:
Woe is me! I don't have a Valentine this year. I'm surrounded by ads for jewelry, flowers, and restaurants. And no one will be giving me a gift or taking me out on Feb 14.
Self-Nurturing Thoughts:
Between now and Valentine's Day, try temporarily changing your routine to avoid the media Valentine blitz:
- Recycle the newspaper without reading it. If any earth-shattering news happens over the next several days, you'll hear people talking about it. Then you can read about it on the Internet.
- Listen to CDs instead of the radio. Humorous books on tape and old-time radio shows can really lift your spirits.
- Change your TV viewing to avoid commercial-laden channels. Or find some funny books to read instead.
You can always go back to your old routine on Feb 15 ... although you may discover you don't want to.
~~~~~~~
Valentine Victim Thoughts:
I'm sad that all those couples are out having romantic dinners, and I'm not.
Self-Nurturing Thoughts:
To change your perspective, remind yourself that there are a lot of couples who only celebrate Valentine's Day because they feel obligated, not because of any genuine, spontaneous desire to do so.
Make the most of your relationships with your family, friends, and potential friends every day of the year. Don't depend on holidays to show you care.
~~~~~~~
Valentine Victim Thoughts:
It's not fair. Around Valentine's Day, it seems as if everyone but me is part of a couple. I feel left out.
Self-Nurturing Thoughts:
Shift your focus to things that are self-nurturing. By concentrating on things such as the following, you won't feel deprived:
- Exercise in some way that is enjoyable to you. Switch your perception to view living healthier as a hobby rather than drudgery.
- Dance. Take lessons if you don't know how. Many classes welcome singles. With the new dance shows on TV, there’s a wonderful resurgence in the popularity of ballroom and Latin dance.
- Get a massage. You can get one inexpensively if there's a massage school in your area.
- Try a drop-in yoga class. Tell your teacher if you're a beginner. Poses and stretches can be modified to accommodate you.
- Plan a vacation. Researching possible accommodations or tours in beautiful, interesting locations can lift your spirits. Even if the trip isn't going to happen for months, years, or even ever!
- Contact friends. Although it seems like a paradox, caring about others is very self-nurturing.
- Document positive comments you've received from colleagues, managers, and customers at work. You'll then be ready to submit them to your supervisor at performance review time. And at this point (when you may be feeling down) it will boost your self-confidence.
~~~~~~~
I hope these ideas help. Consider them my Valentine card to you.
But instead of this card saying “Be my Valentine,” it is saying “Become your own Valentine!”
Sunday, December 11, 2005
eZine issue - Dec 2005
1. Traveling Single
Some singles tell me they hate to travel alone. I, on the other hand,find it thrilling. It can make you more spontaneous about where you go and what you do. Also, you’re more likely to talk to the locals and other travelers that you meet if you don’t have a built-in companion.
Travel broadens your horizons; traveling alone broadens them even more.
I have an advantage when it comes to traveling alone because I dance. Before I go to another city, I get on the Internet and find out about social dance clubs and studios that have public dance parties. Then I can contact people through websites to verify that their dances are singles friendly. Taking dance classes in a strange city is an especially good way to meet people.
If you're not a dancer, you can still use a similar technique by finding groups that share your hobby, whatever it is. If you're in an organization in your town, find out if there's a chapter in the town you're visiting. If you can contact any of the officers, you can find out if any club activities - official or unofficial - are
happening while you're there. Just think, a ready-made group of potential friends. And they share your interest!
Obviously, the local paper's community events section is a great place to start when looking for things to do and places to socialize.
I also have an advantage in that I’m fifty-five. No, don't laugh. If I get hungry for company during the day, I can always find an activity at a senior center. There may be a dance, discussion group, lecture, or card game to attend. I’ve met fascinating authors, performers, and artists by crashing parties at senior centers.
Everywhere you go – sightseeeing or eating out – ask the locals, “Do you know of any fun events going on over the next few days?” It’s an insider’s guide to what's going on.
For instance, that’s how I heard about a great, free, rooftop concert in downtown Madison, Wisconsin. Not only that, but the people who tell you about the event will probably be at the event. When you get a glimpse of them in that sea of strangers, they’ll seem like old friends!
Finding your way around an unknown locale can be a challenge – but a fun challenge. Prepare to get lost since you won’t have a navigator.
View getting lost as an adventure. What the heck, you’re not punching a time clock on vacation. It’s so rewarding and empowering to find your way to a brand new destination (even if you did take a scenic route you hadn’t planned on). I love the feeling that comes over me when I start to know my way around a new place.
To me, an ideal combination is to visit someone you know but to have the freedom to go off on your own.
If you get lonely and wish you could share your travel experiences with friends, email them from the library or an Internet cafe. If you’re going to send post cards, you might print out friends’ addresses on self-sticking address labels before you go.
Surprisingly, some of my best travel adventures have been internal. While on vacation, I have more time to write. I have a friend who takes vacations specifically so he can concentrate on his song writing. Another friend takes his sketchbook on vacations. You can create fond memories of quiet, beautiful, meditative times alone at a sidewalk café, museum, art gallery, or national park.
Of course, it’s also wonderful to travel with friends or family. I’m just encouraging you not to limit yourself by saying you can’t – or won’t – travel alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. Stats about Singles
The Washington Times published some eye-opening facts about singles in
their 8/17/05 issue. The article, by Cheryl Wetzstein is called “More
Homes in U.S. Go Solo.”
Some key facts from the article:
“Single-adult households have displaced two-parent families with
children as the most common kind of U.S. household, according to the
Census Bureau.”
”Single-adult households are continuing to grow and might even hit 34
million by the 2010 census.”
”This is because people are most likely to live alone "at either end
of the life cycle" - in youth or as senior citizens - he said, and
baby boomers are just starting to move into their 60s.”
”However, not all of those adults living alone are living completely
alone, said Mr. Francese, who tracks trends for the Ogilvy & Mather
marketing communications firm.”
”Professional, commuter couples might live alone during the week, but
share weekends together, he said. Single parents might regularly have
their children in the home, and single adults might have lengthy
visits from friends or lovers.
"There is a tremendous diversity in this [living-alone] group."
~~~~~~~~~~~
3. Humor
Comic Rita Rudner, had a couple of funny quotes on marital transience
at http://www.quotationspage.com:
- In Hollywood a marriage is success if it outlasts milk.
- When I meet a man I ask myself, “Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?”
4. Embraceable You
Touch deprivation is a common complaint I hear from singles. To avoid this deficiency, I like to cultivate friendships with people
(especially guy people) who are happy to hug. Recently I had a funny conversation in which we coined a new term for hug addiction.
Me – I need my quota of hugs every day.
Him – You’re such a flirt when you want a hug.
Me – Yeah, I’m just a hug slut.
Let your inner hug slut come out and play. But be sure to find out which of your friends are willing huggees, first. Some people aren’t comfortable with it, and we have to respect that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some singles tell me they hate to travel alone. I, on the other hand,find it thrilling. It can make you more spontaneous about where you go and what you do. Also, you’re more likely to talk to the locals and other travelers that you meet if you don’t have a built-in companion.
Travel broadens your horizons; traveling alone broadens them even more.
I have an advantage when it comes to traveling alone because I dance. Before I go to another city, I get on the Internet and find out about social dance clubs and studios that have public dance parties. Then I can contact people through websites to verify that their dances are singles friendly. Taking dance classes in a strange city is an especially good way to meet people.
If you're not a dancer, you can still use a similar technique by finding groups that share your hobby, whatever it is. If you're in an organization in your town, find out if there's a chapter in the town you're visiting. If you can contact any of the officers, you can find out if any club activities - official or unofficial - are
happening while you're there. Just think, a ready-made group of potential friends. And they share your interest!
Obviously, the local paper's community events section is a great place to start when looking for things to do and places to socialize.
I also have an advantage in that I’m fifty-five. No, don't laugh. If I get hungry for company during the day, I can always find an activity at a senior center. There may be a dance, discussion group, lecture, or card game to attend. I’ve met fascinating authors, performers, and artists by crashing parties at senior centers.
Everywhere you go – sightseeeing or eating out – ask the locals, “Do you know of any fun events going on over the next few days?” It’s an insider’s guide to what's going on.
For instance, that’s how I heard about a great, free, rooftop concert in downtown Madison, Wisconsin. Not only that, but the people who tell you about the event will probably be at the event. When you get a glimpse of them in that sea of strangers, they’ll seem like old friends!
Finding your way around an unknown locale can be a challenge – but a fun challenge. Prepare to get lost since you won’t have a navigator.
View getting lost as an adventure. What the heck, you’re not punching a time clock on vacation. It’s so rewarding and empowering to find your way to a brand new destination (even if you did take a scenic route you hadn’t planned on). I love the feeling that comes over me when I start to know my way around a new place.
To me, an ideal combination is to visit someone you know but to have the freedom to go off on your own.
If you get lonely and wish you could share your travel experiences with friends, email them from the library or an Internet cafe. If you’re going to send post cards, you might print out friends’ addresses on self-sticking address labels before you go.
Surprisingly, some of my best travel adventures have been internal. While on vacation, I have more time to write. I have a friend who takes vacations specifically so he can concentrate on his song writing. Another friend takes his sketchbook on vacations. You can create fond memories of quiet, beautiful, meditative times alone at a sidewalk café, museum, art gallery, or national park.
Of course, it’s also wonderful to travel with friends or family. I’m just encouraging you not to limit yourself by saying you can’t – or won’t – travel alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. Stats about Singles
The Washington Times published some eye-opening facts about singles in
their 8/17/05 issue. The article, by Cheryl Wetzstein is called “More
Homes in U.S. Go Solo.”
Some key facts from the article:
“Single-adult households have displaced two-parent families with
children as the most common kind of U.S. household, according to the
Census Bureau.”
”Single-adult households are continuing to grow and might even hit 34
million by the 2010 census.”
”This is because people are most likely to live alone "at either end
of the life cycle" - in youth or as senior citizens - he said, and
baby boomers are just starting to move into their 60s.”
”However, not all of those adults living alone are living completely
alone, said Mr. Francese, who tracks trends for the Ogilvy & Mather
marketing communications firm.”
”Professional, commuter couples might live alone during the week, but
share weekends together, he said. Single parents might regularly have
their children in the home, and single adults might have lengthy
visits from friends or lovers.
"There is a tremendous diversity in this [living-alone] group."
~~~~~~~~~~~
3. Humor
Comic Rita Rudner, had a couple of funny quotes on marital transience
at http://www.quotationspage.com:
- In Hollywood a marriage is success if it outlasts milk.
- When I meet a man I ask myself, “Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?”
4. Embraceable You
Touch deprivation is a common complaint I hear from singles. To avoid this deficiency, I like to cultivate friendships with people
(especially guy people) who are happy to hug. Recently I had a funny conversation in which we coined a new term for hug addiction.
Me – I need my quota of hugs every day.
Him – You’re such a flirt when you want a hug.
Me – Yeah, I’m just a hug slut.
Let your inner hug slut come out and play. But be sure to find out which of your friends are willing huggees, first. Some people aren’t comfortable with it, and we have to respect that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Illustrations of Upsides
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Upside of Being Single - June 2005
One of the things I love about being single is spending time with friends. Even when our busy lives – or geography – make face-to-face communication rare, e-mails come to the rescue.
Thanks to Selfnurture.com, I’ve become friends with several other writers. I believe (and have read that others have observed this, too) that people with creative talent make happier singles than those who haven’t found an outlet for their creative expression.
What creative outlet do you have? Once you become passionate about expressing yourself through some form of music, art, writing, dance, crafts, teaching, acting, or nurturing – you’ll find that not having a date on Friday night is of much less consequence. You may even prefer to have the time to pursue your passion!
Thanks to Selfnurture.com, I’ve become friends with several other writers. I believe (and have read that others have observed this, too) that people with creative talent make happier singles than those who haven’t found an outlet for their creative expression.
What creative outlet do you have? Once you become passionate about expressing yourself through some form of music, art, writing, dance, crafts, teaching, acting, or nurturing – you’ll find that not having a date on Friday night is of much less consequence. You may even prefer to have the time to pursue your passion!
